This is my Hiding Place

Soon I am getting a new toy--an Ultra Flip camcorder. I think that it is going to be FAAAAAAABBUUULLOOOUUUUUSSSSS!!!! I can't wait to have a chance to document my time with Jersey, and in turn have something to look back on in the future. I'll have it before I climb Mt. St. Helen as well!! Josh and I leave next week. We're flying out to Washington and staying with his brother and sister-in-law. They have climbed multiple times before, so we'll be in good hands. I've done my homework about the climb....it should be amazing.

Camp is going really well. That's all you need to know.

*******NO SIGNS OF RESIDUAL CANCER*******

I want school to be done with and I want to be at Echo. Immediately. Working weekends until June 15th is not enough. It makes school that much harder to bear. I despise walking back through these doors. ( Read more... )

Things to do today:
~attend Microbiology class
~do painfully dull homework for Keyboarding at the library
~clean Jersey's stall/riding lesson
~drop off board check equaling a greater number than what is in my bank account right now
~sulk over negative account balance
~get over it
~do a shit ton of Micro homework
~wish it was June 15th already

I get to do stuff like this all summer:

I'm not afraid.

You tell me that I'm supposed to be afraid and take everyone's advice, but thats not the way it works. My life isn't over yet and I'm not afraid to live it. Be with me on this one.

Trust me....

....love me.

Love it, because 'it'.....is a part of who I am.

Lets say for arguments sake that I do get sick again. You shouldn't love me all the more just because I'm dying faster. It's not a crime to accept life just the way it is.

There is nothing wrong with being happy, and there is nothing wrong with looking forward to the start of each new day.

Jersey has improved 100%....and I have my vet/professor to thank for that.

MILKWEED IN THE NEW HAY. TONS OF IT. I was infuriated with Rhonda, of course, and with myself for not catching it earlier.

Here's another little tidbit for ya'....Rhonda self-medicates my horse for me. Just when she "thinks she needs it."

MY HORSE HAS A SENSITIVE GI TRACT. SHE IS A RESCUE HORSE. SHE IS MY CHILD. DO NOT FEED HER SUPPLEMENTS. EVER. ESPECIALLY WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST. WOULD YOU DOPE MY HUMAN CHILD UP ON HERBAL PILLS AND NYQUIL WHILE YOU WERE BABYSITTING IT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT SHE COULD USE IT, AND THEN NEVER TELL ME TO TOP IT OFF, UNTIL SHE BECOMES SICK AND THE DOCTORS ARE STUMPED BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT GETTING ALL OF THE INFORMATION AND "OH BY THE WAY SOMETIMES I FEED HER TOXIC PLANTS BUT SHE'LL JUST PICK THROUGH THEM!"

I'm moving Jersey as soon as humanly possible.

Jersey's temperature is up to 100.2--nothing to worry about yet. Rhonda's horse is looking worse...poor thing.

Possibilities:
-Toxicity from new hay
-PHF
-Reaction to new vaccines
-Just a shitty virus that we have to wait out.


I'm praying for the later. Send us your good thoughts.




"This is not about love
'Cause I am not in love
In fact I can't stop falling out
I miss that stupid ache"

So, I got a call from Rhonda today....apparently her horses have come down with a bug and it's spreading.

She sent in more blood tests...horses have 105 temperature....I'm heading out between classes to check on Jersey and see if she's off.

I'll keep you guys updated.

It's not the same
when I'm unhappy
and the comfort I crave
is far and few between
in this busy life.
I wish you'd care
because there's more to me than you
and there's more to life than this.

I use to live alone
and life was dull
and I'm beginning to think...
and I'm dying to admit...
that I'd take dull over this any day.

You'll keep me though,
and you'll make sure I stay
unhappy
unhealthy
and disconnected.

There's more to life than this.

Here are a few pictures of me fooling around in my VET 101 class. The dog's name is Ted, and he weighs about 175 pounds. He was a hoot!
( Read more... )

All I have to say is.....BLAAAAHHH! There. Very mature of me.

Today was one of the most embarrassing days of my life.

My dad got laid off from GM, so I figured I should get my teeth, eyes, body, etc. checked out before I lose my insurance. Today was my appointment at RxOptical. After my exam I'm sent out into the waiting room to choose frames. "Someone will be right with you," they said, so of course I start browsing around. I know that I only get a few choices because of the insurance I have but I still turned bright red when the woman came out and said, "Oh no, you get to choose from this," and pointed me to the corner carousal holding several ghetto frames. I eventually find a pair that I like ("Blue tags mean they're $50, red means they're $20, and yellow means they're free to you) that of course were yellow-tagged. They're pretty cute though, and conventional. We head over to her computer and after putting in all of the information she says the total for everything is $100. So of course I excuse myself and call my dad and the conversation goes something like this:

Me: "....so either I need you to bring me my checkbook or you need to get here with yours."
Dad: "Why didn't you bring yours?"
Me: "Because you said it wouldn't cost me anything."
Dad: "Let me talk to her."

I turn BRIGHT RED, shyly go back to the technician and say, "Umm..I'm so sorry...but he wants to talk to you..." She happily takes the phone and chats away, explains everything to him three times, and then takes down his credit card number. After hanging up and giving me my cell phone back she winks and says something like, 'Don't worry he just loves you.'

I know my dad loves me but I know he likes his money more, lol. It doesn't help the situation that I'm a 21 year old adult calling her father for help. Oh well. Times are tough.

=========================================

Something good DID happen today though---I went and looked at Hilton Park Stables and liked what I saw. The board is cheaper, and I'll get to see Jersey everyday since you clean your own stalls. It's quiet there, and not fancy or anything. It works though. I think Jersey will like it there. There's TONS of trails nearby and a lake to swim in. I'll keep you posted.

Learning everything possible in the world of Veterinary Technicians in a very short period of time if HARD. GET IT? H-A-R-D. Hard.

Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car,
And did it ever get you far

You've never seem so tense love
I've never seen you fall so hard,
Do you even know where you are

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying
--------------------------------
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.
--------------------------------
Why can't you finish what you've started?
Why can't you try and understand?
It doesn't make a bit of difference if you start what you can't finish
Every story needs an ending, after all.

I think I've known it for a long time
Suffice to say, it's been a while
You're too afraid to face the outcome
Quite likely, you're a failure
It's a shitty thing to say, but hey man - the clock is ticking
--------------------------------
Don't you want something else,
Something new, than what we've got here,
And don't you feel it's all the same,
Some sick game and it's not insincere,
I wish I could change the ways of the world,
Make it a nice place
Until that day, I guess we stay,
Doing what we do
Screwing who we screw
-------------------------------

Here I am folks, back at Baker for my second quarter and LOOOVVVIIINNNGGG IIIITTTT!!!!!! My professors are amazing and I'm soaking up the information like a sponge. Everything is just so fascinating, and I know that sounds lame, but it's the complete truth.

Jersey is doing wonderful! We got english tack from Christmas and are hopefully going to start taking lessons soon. I had my trainer ride her and she absolutely loved her floaty canter and willing attitude. She agrees that she must have been trained english sometime in her life because she knew all of the cues and seemed pretty pumped to be working. I only get to see her about once a week now, and it's killing me. It. Is. Killing. Me.

Suck.

I realized
while hugging the toilet-
legs and arms entwined with porcelain
like lovers,
spasming
clenching and unclenching
with each new wave,
tendons pulsing
against thin skin,
too thin surely
to contain this pain, I realized
that this most definitely
was the last straw.